"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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