Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I need a burrito and a hug.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
