drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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