The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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