we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
