If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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