is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
