See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
