i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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