She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
