I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
