Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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