Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
