he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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