I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
