but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
