ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
