I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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