My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
