God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
