it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
