Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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