Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
