i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dignity is for republicans.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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