I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
