all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
