I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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