"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
