Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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