1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
