Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
