i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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