So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
