i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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