i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
