moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
