i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
