So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
