she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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