i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
