Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you win again, gameday.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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