Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
