You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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