I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
