Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
