if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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