you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
