Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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