For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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