Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
